I had the opportunity to hear Cam Adair speak recently. He is the founder of Game Quitters and is a leading expert on video game addiction. Cam, featured in the must-watch video at the bottom of this post, is a video game addict who came to realize he simply can’t play video games and live a meaningful life. He also struggled with depression and was near suicide at one point in his life. Cam was gaming up to 16 hours each day. He went over how video gaming has changed over the years and some steps to try for addiction prevention and/or recovery.
Did you know Gaming Disorder has recently been added to the World Health Organization’s classification of diseases? With the World Health Organization now classifying playing excessive video games as a mental disorder, it is definitely time to at least consider the possible impact gaming is having on our children.
The video gaming industry is currently bigger than the music and movie industries combined. Before I dive too far in, I want to point out that Cam was quick to say that he isn’t against gaming, but that there are important factors people need to be aware of. He points out that only 3-4% of the people who play video games will develop an addiction. This seems like a small number. However, I myself quickly think of teaching and children in a classroom here. This translates to roughly 1 student per classroom on average assuming there are 25 students in a class.
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A few things about video games today that I now believe every parent needs to know:
Games provide purpose, escape, and social connection.
Gamers are a community of people who understand each other in a way that other people don’t. Society has shamed gamers as individuals, referring to them as lazy or as people who are wasting their potential. The truth is that everyone can fit in as a gamer regardless of race, religion, size, or whatever. Gaming provides a place where everyone can feel safe. The risk is that skills won’t be developed to fit in elsewhere and carve one’s space out outside of the video gaming world. This makes it difficult to learn many life skills and lessons outside of gaming.
Gaming and the digital world is a safe place to fail.
Video gaming provides structural certainty. It often doesn’t take long to reap a reward of some kind. Games can warp an individual’s perception of confidence and rewards since gaming does not require a long time frame to take place. The rewards are almost immediate.
In real life, it tends to take a lot more effort and time to reap the benefits. First, one has to find a job. Next, pay is far from immediate in most cases.
Many games can’t be paused and leaving them can affect progress.
Games today don’t have a pause button. Some don’t even have an end, meaning they can go on forever. If gamers leave mid-game, it affects their progress and often their peers’ progress as well. This results in a lot of pressure to stay in the game and to build upon or at least maintain one’s status.
Loot Boxes
Many games contain loot boxes. Often the prize isn’t revealed until after
Excessive gaming changes one’s brain structure.
Video games are fully immersive and provide dopamine overload. Overexposure to gaming causes structural changes to the brain.
Tips to Help Decrease Gaming
There are steps to take in order to help with recovery from video game addiction. Some to try are as follows:
Centralize devices
Often video gaming is happening in basements, bedrooms, or any other place that is not at the heart and center of the home. It is important to remove isolation from the equation by centralizing devices. Simply centralizing devices may help gamers to be aware of time lapses or that there are other activities happening around them that they could be part of. Many may also become more careful with
Have game-free days.
Make plans to do activities together as a family, making these days known ahead of time, along with the knowledge that playing video games will not be an option for anyone in the family on these designated game-free days. Instead, strive to fill the video gaming void with activities that encourage socializing and that are mentally engaging.
Encourage gamers to keep a log book to track how many hours per day are spent gaming.
Simply becoming aware of the time spent may help drive an individual to decrease gaming time.
Commit to 2 hours or less per day.
Encouraging a gamer to set a timer for an agreed upon
Give fair warning before expecting a gamer to be at the dinner table for a meal or to help out with a task.
If you’ve ever fought with your child about not coming to the dinner table right after being called, this one will resonate with you. Discuss how long it roughly takes to play through a battle or whatever other type of game an individual is playing. Then, when asking the individual to do something such as join the family for a meal, give at least that much warning. The expectation then is that no new battle is started. This may help avoid frustration over asking a gamer to help out with tasks around the house as well.
Focus on the behavior, not on the gaming.
As I stated before, gaming tends to be a place where everyone can feel a sense of belonging. Gamers understand each other in a way that non-gamers won’t. Therefore, it is important to focus on the behavior and not on the gaming when outlining concerns we may have about an individual’s gaming. For example, saying, “I notice you aren’t coming up for supper” is likely to be a lot less threatening than shouting, “You are always on that stupid game! Get off of it now!” We also need to be aware of our own justifications and double standards when we are expecting a behavior change in our children.
Create a system of accountability.
Behavior change is hard. If it were easy, we all would achieve our New Year’s resolutions each and every year! When expecting our children to give something up, it is important for us as parents to also consider giving something up at the same time. Maybe having our children point something out for us to change will help them to know that we are a good accountability partner. We may not like it, but our kids won’t like giving up gaming either.
Have all devices handed in by a certain time each night.
Since video gaming can be happening on any device these days, having a place where all devices in the home get stored for the evening may help ensure that everyone is getting the rest they need each night. This can even include the devices belonging to the adults in the home.
Cam Adair is featured in this film below. I highly recommend that every parent watch it!
In Summary
Most gamers do not develop an addiction that is out of control, but 3-4% of gamers will. Regardless, it is important for parents to be aware of how gaming has changed over the years. It is also important to implement strategies to ensure that video gaming doesn’t become out of control for our children.
One powerful sentence Cam said that really resonated with me was,
“Screen time might quiet disruptive behaviors
Cam Adairin the moment, but it will exacerbate tantrums later.”
I think most parents can relate to our children becoming quiet once a screen is placed in front of them. I know I sure can!
Resources that May Help
Breaking the Trance: A Practical Guide to Parenting the Screen-Dependent Child
How about you?
Do you know of anyone who currently struggles with or has struggled with video gaming? Do you use strategies in your house to regulate how much time your children spend playing video games? Are there any strategies that work for you and your family that I didn’t mention here?
20 Comments
Love this post! My whole family (including myself) are avid gamers and it is a big source of family bonding in our home. We use it as an educational tool as well but YES, limiting the time spent and paying attention to the behavior is important. I love that you talk about the pros of gaming. Great read!
Thank you, Monica! Gaming can definitely be fun to do as a family. 🙂
I have to pay more attention to this issues. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for reading this, Natasha! There are pros and cons to gaming for sure!
I love how you included positive aspects of gaming, as well as suggestions for how to get your child to finish up their game for the day. As the mom to two little ones, the more I know in advance the better prepared I am for the future.
The things we need to be prepared for as parents are always changing. Thank you for checking out this post! 🙂
It is true that every child deals with gaming differently. I have one child that as long as he knows how long he will have so that he can plan accordingly in the game, he will get off when I ask and will find something else to do. I have another child where I will do the same, but his attitude completely changes. He is snippy, and grumpy after getting off of the game. This actually usually results in him getting less time than his brother which he really hates. I find your article helpful, and will share it with others!
Thank you, Leiloni! I appreciate you reading and sharing this article with others. Each of my children reacts differently to my requests around technology as well so I can certainly relate to what you are saying.
Wow! This really opened my eyes to the fact it can be a real addiction. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for reading it! This was eye-opening for me as well.
Hey Sherry,
This is such a great eye opening post. I had no idea that games now “cant be paused and leaving can affect progress”. Back in the day, there was a pause button… I can’t imagine the kind of pressure that it puts on someone these days to not be able to leave a game for fear of losing out on all of their progress…. very tricky fear tactic used by the gaming industry. My Best Friends little one is getting of age where he is curious about all things video games, this is a helpful read that I think will help round out the conversation she is having with her family.
Thank you for sharing! 🙂
Thank you, Kat! I honestly had no idea about many games not having a pause button and that leaving them affects progress until hearing Cam speak, either. It certainly does add pressure on gamers!
As a mom of 4, I really enjoyed this article. Great info, thanks!
Thank you for checking it out, Tori! 🙂
This is a great read. I appreciate that it tries to bring all the facts together without any interference from biases. My little one is only 3 months old right now, but I know video games will undoubtedly be a part of his future in some aspect.
Thank you, Hannah! I was aiming for simply bringing facts together without bias so I appreciate that it reads this way. Technology is everywhere today so it is important to be aware of some pros and cons when it comes to our kids. 🙂
As an ex-gaming addict, I can definitely vouch for the “psychological void” that leads to such compulsive behavior.
However, what troubles me is the sheer amount of bad advice out there – not from gamequitters.com (Cam’s website), which I haven’t looked at in depth yet – but from people who list out the steps that they took to quit gaming without providing the underlying foundations.
For example, parents can take their kids out to some “natural retreat” and enforce game time, but if the kids (especially older ones) have no idea what they truly want out of life, they will slowly sink back into their destructive habits.
You raise a great point, Sylar! Thank you for sharing your experience and congratulations on working through this addiction!
Wow – such great information. All parents need to read this!
It’s definitely important to know.